As I reflected on my weekend driving south through the prairies toward the mountains, toward home, on Monday, every cell in my body twinkled with inspiration.  My head was floating with ideas and refined techniques for my classes and workshops, but I wasn't flitting around in la-la land un-rooted as often happens when our creativity takes over full force.  Instead, I was grounded firmly with a newly renewed belief in how I teach and in my ability to help people, and with a wealth of scientific and anatomical knowledge to back it up.  I was rooted and floating. If chakras are your thing, you might say mine were perfectly aligned.
When I started teaching I had an un-wavering belief in my abilities. I knew what I did worked and I believed whole heartedly that the people who came to my classes would be able to find what they needed there.  How did I know this? It's really simple.  I knew how my practice felt in my body (and it felt damn good) and I had the confidence and the humbleness to know it may not work exactly the same way for my students, so I wasn't afraid to cue my class to take a different route rather than hang on my every word and instruction. Fast forward to two years after I took my first teacher training, as I find myself beginning the journey toward my 500 hour teaching certification, and one of the first things that the teacher says to us is that we need to let go of the idea that by-the-book alignment in a pose, or overworking one muscle by hitting the same or similar poses in a sequence is of benefit, that a "harder" sequence, a stiffer practice is "better" or more beneficial (to question if it is of benefit at all even), but instead to discover what things feel like in your body and to ask our students the same thing. To use that as our roadmap.  To understand the science behind what works our muscles, what affects range of motion, what is truly beneficial and actually works to achieve balance on and off the mat. To treat each student as an individual with a unique body that may not work exactly the same as our own - or anyone else's for that matter, and to honour that individuality in ourselves and in our students. To respect ourselves and other teachers enough to teach as individuals, not carbon copies of a text book or someone else, because we aren't all the same and that, that is important and should be honoured. It was my teaching philosophy, being taught to me.  And make no mistake, I'm sure the universe put me there to re-learn it, and just to make sure I was listening,  to learn it from a very experienced yoga teacher swimming in anatomical certifications and with an amazing and enviable practice and ability to intelligently teach that practice, the strong aspects and the soft, to others.
There were a few things I had to process on my drive home. One was how had I let someone else's idea of what I should be teaching affect me so much? Enough that even after removing myself from the reach of the person's negative influence I was questioning myself in my classes - despite the universe sending me numerous opportunities and voices of support to remind me that her actions had to do with her insecurities, not with me.  This was hard for me to look at.  Somewhere along the way I had lost touch with that sure, confident part of me and had started letting outside situations and actions affect me. 
The other realization that struck me was that I was still doing it.  I had left the unhealthy environment, I had kept moving forward and continued to teach and be inspired by the world around me, but I hadn't found my footing on my own, I needed to hear someone else teach my theory on teaching yoga to me in order to feel validated, in order for me to get "back to myself" in my teaching and my confidence level as a teacher. I had needed external validation to offset the external criticism. I wasn't home yet. 

But I was on my way.

My apologies for the break in blogging, I was away on a trip to Vegas this past week.  Vegas may seem like an unlikely place to be deepening a yoga practice, but we all know that yoga is an internal journey, it isn't dependant on outside influence. I'm a firm believer that we see what we are looking for and in Vegas I didn't see tacky lights, pushy tourists, environmental and monetary waste - though those things were there on the surface.  What I did see were kind people willing to help two moms touring the town laden with diaper bags, strollers and toddlers.  I saw amazing architecture, fabulous displays and beautiful art. And I enjoyed the delicious food and fine wine. I also saw a lot of opportunities to grow out of my go-to thought patterns. As my bestie and I toured around the city with our toddlers in tow (in case anyone is wondering, Vegas has a plethora of child-friendly activities and is super easy to get around in too) I noticed that there were messages calling for social and environmental change, and educational information on issues like ocean health, the rainforest and fresh water conservation, amongst others, displayed at exhibits and venues throughout the strip.  Now, at first glance, my immediate thought was that it was a bit of an oxymoron for a city in the middle of the desert that was built to cater to extravagance and consumption to be touting environmental and social consciousness.  I stopped myself from commenting to this effect - I don't think the world needs more negative commentary being spouted, but I didn't argue with my friend when she voiced the point aloud either. But then, when the conversation popped up again while we were showing off our pictures back home, I gave it a little deeper thought.  Vegas would have displays and exhibits with or without the information they give.  By choosing to display those messages, they bring them to the attention of the over 39 million tourists that visit every year.  That's a huge influence, even if only a portion of the tourists notice them and are inspired to make a change.  To me, that's  a comforting thought.  So I choose to change my negative thoughts into positive ones and see the good in it, rather than following my instincts and seeing the negative.  That's Vegas baby, drunken debauchery, broken pocketbooks, false light and smiles, and one yoginis step closer to enlightened thinking.